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词十五初级班第十三讲易安组作业贴,评阅老师:墨问5-20、小溪剩余楼层 |
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点评
简评:作者起笔直入主题,通篇直觉景多,立意较清晰,但是脉络有滞感,句句之间距离偏大,如上片登山,下片出现街道楼房闹市伴有疏松感,景多则乱是诗词中千古不变的道理!记住下笔要准稳狠,才能出现特点!
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点评
简评,作者立意清晰,韵律无误,不足之处,首拍忆往,思来需待斟酌,整体来说上片不错,下片着力点稍稍有偏感,做到了有开无合,结的偏低,压不住阵脚!
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