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古典词十九期初级班望梅组第五讲作业 |
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点评
上片忆,下片思,布局合理,只是文字需精炼,起拍青梅竹马,后缀墨多了些,春暖句,词不达意,准备过片断了,迎亲嫁,何意?煞尾依旧回到儿时忆,显脉络乱
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点评
意婉转,愁绪尤长,读来这种感觉,不足处,夜雨时分,江上芦花怎见得俏?羌胡,不是羌笛,音渺渺,不成立,残烛,幽光,皎?病句,双影,怎笑?用词用句,需再炼
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