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 5691| 90
 | 词十七创作班第四讲抱月组作业贴 | 
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 点评
问好向远,此作格律正确,扣题较稳,“迢递千丝”不明所指,如果形容头发,则下阙“霜鬓”重复了。过片跳脱了,“轩窗明月”不若换成曾经。结句“北望”还可再酌。 
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 点评
问好寒月公子,此作格律正确,词脉清晰,起拍好看。“桃杏偷偷看”是燕子看桃杏还是桃杏看燕子呢?模棱两可了。结句不错。 
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 |Archiver|手机版|小黑屋|古典听风书院
( 蜀ICP备15023305号-1 )
|Archiver|手机版|小黑屋|古典听风书院
( 蜀ICP备15023305号-1 )
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