929| 24
|
古典诗十七.五律第22讲夏组作业帖 |
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
点评
偶遇场景的设定不清楚未交代,一声熟悉的呼唤即暖场入情早了,久逢不知何解,当是久别。群童与偶遇、车灯与别语的关系交代欠佳,群童何来?是幼儿园解孩子放学偶遇故人?尾联大白话非诗家语无余味。
| ||
|Archiver|手机版|小黑屋|古典听风书院 ( 蜀ICP备15023305号-1 )
GMT+8, 2024-11-16 12:28 , Processed in 0.125977 second(s), 22 queries .
Powered by Discuz! X3.2 Licensed
© 2001-2013 Comsenz Inc.