|
943| 74
|
古典词二十九期创作班风禾组第六讲作业贴 |
| ||
点评
上片写景下片转情,情景交融,小词含蓄,脉络流畅,飞花这句转急了,其余都挺好
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
点评
问好同学。惜春主旨明确,上片景略显重复,延伸度不够。情感一波三折,煞尾转折突然,可以考虑上下结换个位。个见勿怪!
| ||
点评
问好同学。对句好看。“满庭芳色”与时下景矛盾。萦心定有凑韵之嫌。流年与韶华处显重复,句意丰度不够。
| ||
|Archiver|手机版|小黑屋|古典听风书院
( 蜀ICP备15023305号-1 )
GMT+8, 2026-7-12 10:29 , Processed in 0.359375 second(s), 23 queries .
Powered by Discuz! X3.2 Licensed
© 2001-2013 Comsenz Inc.