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中级班春雷组第二讲作业贴。 |
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点评
作业要求以“思乡”为题,本诗首联颔联先写了盛夏雷雨之后转为清凉的雨后情景。接下来颈和尾联却写了思念在异乡的君郎而不是思乡,不切题了!
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点评
浅评:此律名为“思乡”,却难见思乡,首二联远走他乡,仿佛是为了看病,颈联“时见有微长”不知何意,尾联应该是身体康复,心情好了。总体看来,文不对题,文字浅显,诗味寡然。建议想好了在写…
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