1503| 70
|
古典诗十九初级班第五讲颜如组作业贴 |
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
点评
问好学友!格律无误!物象描述不当。春兰怎么会谢尽!柳花是什么东东,这里凑韵了,知道你写的柳丝。转承句与主题不符,初夏不是这样的,倒好像盛夏。整体结构太乱,起承转合无序。继续努力!
| ||
|Archiver|手机版|小黑屋|古典听风书院 ( 蜀ICP备15023305号-1 )
GMT+8, 2024-11-6 02:56 , Processed in 0.128559 second(s), 21 queries .
Powered by Discuz! X3.2 Licensed
© 2001-2013 Comsenz Inc.