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 6747| 100
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 点评
问好无情。也是66755格式,上片开篇味淡了,词句过随意,欠凝炼。下片天真依旧在芳容,在字修改成映好看些。加油 
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 点评
问好同学,从描摹上说很到位。读来也很生动。体裁趋向说文。改造成曲也行 
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 |Archiver|手机版|小黑屋|古典听风书院
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|Archiver|手机版|小黑屋|古典听风书院
( 蜀ICP备15023305号-1 )
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