楼主: 诗雨后柳
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古典词二十初级班凌霜组第十三讲作业贴 |
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点评
问好,小词写的很流畅,脉络清晰,有景有情,只是模仿痕迹太重。
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点评
转拍两句空间相隔太远,抛得快,收的急。常念、凝眉、遥思几个动作过于频繁。结拍白发梦依依有病句之嫌。
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