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古典词21创作班第二讲映雪组作业处 |
点评
你好!这阙词主题不够清晰。上下片各自成片,关联不足。虽然读起来也比较顺畅,但多处下字不准。快步和徜徉矛盾。前方不能用眺望。跃字待斟酌。平行步道,不通顺,猖狂贬义词,用在这里也不妥。
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|Archiver|手机版|小黑屋|古典听风书院
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